“Every Demand Is Haunted By A Kind Of Emptiness”
So what is it that drives you? How do you know what you want to do/be/achieve? Where is all that coming from?
Imaginations, lust, desire, fear, terror. All those things that makes you you. All that yesterdays having converged into the tomorrows of this just this moment, that is the ephemeral and eternal now that we are constantly living in, forever changing.
You have to follow your demands, wherever they come from, wherever they may take you. Saying no is not an option – this would leave you with just nothing; leave you with that void you’re so afraid of. You gotta move. Decisions, changes, novelties.
All this for ending up with the same demands again and again. Because you do not know them. Because you cannot get behind them. All you can feel is their impulse.
You know who you are. Not?
Well, you may want to think again … What does it really imply when one pronounces that “Me”, or “I”, or “myself”. Who speaks and who is spoken about when one says all that?
And then there is also this strange feeling about being different person, in a certain sense … And when you continue to go into that strange gap opening up in just that moment some funny things are about to happen …
Remember waking up at night, not knowing what just happened?
You needed only a moment to reconfigure yourself, to remember all that stories ttelling who you are. Everything seems to be fine again.
But still … there is also a remaining strange feeling. Like a taste at some place of your tongue that you recognize but can’t really describe.
And you are convinced that what you just experienced is more than you know.
You just had a visit form the other you … the one that knows you better than your/self.
Still looking for the other half, that part of yours that has been cut away some time ago by a mysterious force while you have not been paying attention …
You can still remember, you can still feel, that there was something that is not at your side any longer. It is a notion of not being complete anymore. What’s left is only a slow healing wound on one of your sides , a mark on your tissue that stands for the loss …
You can relax now, you can stop crying. It is of no use. It is gone forever. You will never get it back. Just as all the time you spent until this very moment.
But be aware that nothing is lost. Everything continues in the memories which are to come .
The next generation of BeatMe is coming out buitiful. Over the last couple of month I made a new authoring patch which I will additionally use a an engine to compose pieces that visually differs quite a bit from what I have done before.
The mechanism for doing the text overlays is still in need of another overhaul … I will get to this in the next days …
The first step into the new line of BeatMe pieces. I’ve totally rewritten the Sampler/Sequencer; everything now runs faster, the handling of the sound and images is more flexible, independent from each other and the sound quality is a *lot* better …
So let’s see what’s the stuff like that comes out of this this end of the pipeline.
Enfrentarse a uno mismo es una obligación infinita.
Que es la origen de esta voz sonando en la cabeza, opinando de los pensamientos? De donde vienen estas imágenes que constantemente nos urgen a contraponer lo que vemos con un ideal externo, una idea que creó en otro lugar, en otro momento?
Si, conocemos bien todos estos espejismos; nos las creamos por necesidad: para relacionarnos, para reconocernos, para explicarnos. Solo aparentan ser exteriores; en realidad son reflejos de posibles sendas que tienen un solo rumbo: acompañarnos en el viaje.
You are moving in a shadow that contains an image of yourself.
Step into the light.
What you can recognize are only the few glimpses that you were able to drag into the light. There is always more than the elements that you are aware of. And they are pushing you further and away from the visible track.
So here you are.
But what do you see? What do you hear?
Staring at the computers screen: this are no letters, no words; these are pixels forming together because of electric currencies, creating the illusion of the GUI that helps you managing the information flow ones and zeros that are going through the processor of your computer.
And when you away from the screen, the desk, the walls, all these images, waves of information processed trough the retina heading to the brain; that then creates the colors you suppose to see ‘in the world’; well you are not. your senses make it all up.
And then you look at your hands. They are a part of you. Do you find it appealing, the image you have of yourself?
So: you keep watching. [Brecht lies die Transparente aufziehen; da stand zu lesen:’Glotzt nicht so blöd’]
It is the only thing you can perceive: a projection of yourself. on the screen. Lines of memories you relate to, a sketch that becomes a continued idea, an image that reflects yourself.
Now: take a moment. You know who you are, where you are. What you’re looking at, right?
But not quite. It is just something you want/need to relate to. And this is yourself.
Unchain. Become aware. Change the screen – look out of the window. And breath. And eat.
You have a body.
That is to be unchained.
From the mind.