“Every Demand Is Haunted By A Kind Of Emptiness”
So what is it that drives you? How do you know what you want to do/be/achieve? Where is all that coming from?
Imaginations, lust, desire, fear, terror. All those things that makes you you. All that yesterdays having converged into the tomorrows of this just this moment, that is the ephemeral and eternal now that we are constantly living in, forever changing.
You have to follow your demands, wherever they come from, wherever they may take you. Saying no is not an option – this would leave you with just nothing; leave you with that void you’re so afraid of. You gotta move. Decisions, changes, novelties.
All this for ending up with the same demands again and again. Because you do not know them. Because you cannot get behind them. All you can feel is their impulse.
You know who you are. Not?
Well, you may want to think again … What does it really imply when one pronounces that “Me”, or “I”, or “myself”. Who speaks and who is spoken about when one says all that?
And then there is also this strange feeling about being different person, in a certain sense … And when you continue to go into that strange gap opening up in just that moment some funny things are about to happen …
Remember waking up at night, not knowing what just happened?
You needed only a moment to reconfigure yourself, to remember all that stories ttelling who you are. Everything seems to be fine again.
But still … there is also a remaining strange feeling. Like a taste at some place of your tongue that you recognize but can’t really describe.
And you are convinced that what you just experienced is more than you know.
You just had a visit form the other you … the one that knows you better than your/self.
Still looking for the other half, that part of yours that has been cut away some time ago by a mysterious force while you have not been paying attention …
You can still remember, you can still feel, that there was something that is not at your side any longer. It is a notion of not being complete anymore. What’s left is only a slow healing wound on one of your sides , a mark on your tissue that stands for the loss …
You can relax now, you can stop crying. It is of no use. It is gone forever. You will never get it back. Just as all the time you spent until this very moment.
But be aware that nothing is lost. Everything continues in the memories which are to come .
The next generation of BeatMe is coming out buitiful. Over the last couple of month I made a new authoring patch which I will additionally use a an engine to compose pieces that visually differs quite a bit from what I have done before.
The mechanism for doing the text overlays is still in need of another overhaul … I will get to this in the next days …
this is an outline for a live show I am doing next monday in a small venue here in Barcelona. just to see how the things could come together. still working on it, though …
please find more about this here:
there will be a screening with the offline pieces i did during the last year and a live set, the bass / videos / electronics, with new material. still about time, space and identity. i simple cannot let this subject go. there is so much more to find out about …
“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery – celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from – it’s where you take them to.”
― Jim Jarmusch