Unless you let go of you ego it will never stop. You will always have this critique inside you, your thoughts; your feelings will be molded by en entity you yourself are inventing. And you will never full fill the crazy requests it makes for you: shoulders to the wall.
So better let go. Find out who you really are. Or want to be.
And then go for it. It may not be what you have imagined all the time, but at least it will make you a happier person.